I was ready to shank people

I called to get my VA claim eval appointment rescheduled from when it was canceled on Jan 29 since it’s been a hot minute and I haven’t heard anything. It turns out that the VA Hospital near me no longer has a provider that can do that evaluation. They farmed it out to QTC, a scheduling company, 2 weeks ago. I got their number from the VA and called them.

The rep on the phone was nice enough but kept saying there is no provider available for that exam within 500 miles of where I live and that's why they haven't scheduled me yet. That is fucking bullshit. I am not ashamed to admit I cried on the phone, at work, and didn't give a shit who saw. I was ready to shank people. My anxiety was so high.

And then one of the faculty who doesn’t even work in my department needed help with something. She came around behind my desk to look over my shoulder. That right there is a big-time discomfort for me, borderline triggering on its own, but in the mental state I was in, it was all I could do to keep from smacking her.

To make it worse, her colleague was standing at the open end of the U shape made by my desk, the wall behind me, and the extended part of my desk/counter, essentially blocking me from being able to leave. Now, I know they would not actually block me or harm me, but that is now when I am thinking rationally and no longer triggered. At that moment though…

Thankfully, one of my coworkers who knows my history came in and saw the scene. He gave me a look. One that said “you know where to find me,” and left my office. I finished what those other two needed as fast as I could and booked it to his office. Good friends are very helpful when you need to come down from a panic attack.