If knowledge is caffeine, faculty are baristas.

Preparing for the 3MT competition. The preliminary round is February 3rd. Making my slide and writing my presentation, I came up with a catchphrase for my thesis:

If knowledge is caffeine, faculty are baristas.

The slide image is a collection of different kinds of Starbucks style cups with gender identities instead of names. My speech compares using gender inclusivity to getting coffee orders right.


Also, this afternoon, I managed to walk all the way home from work despite sciatica.

She's still at it

Sister J: Aunt G talk to you? Apparently, the sister is up to it again. I will forward it to you.

Aunt G: Hi there, know it's late & youre prob in bed.  Just talked to [cousin], he heard from [Sister B].  She said you've all turned on her, won't speak to her.  Won't give her share of stuff.  Said [our dad] wanted his truck to go to [Sister B’s kid] but [I] took it.  Said you & [me] won't follow [Dad’s] wishes on where he wanted his stuff to go.  I told him she's wrong & the rest of u r being fair. [Sister B] told [cousin] she misses her dad, her mom is real sick with kidney disease, she feels all alone.  I told him this was her doing & all of u have been fair.  Well, it will clear up when house is sold in Idaho. How IS [our mom]?  Is she in hospital?

Sister J: Had we given the truck to her she would have had to pay the remaining balance, register it, and show proof of insurance, and the transfer of title and ownership would have to happen at the close of the estate.  That hasn't happened yet, not until all debts have been settled.  Legally, it could not go to [Sister B’s kid] because there was no will.  [Sister B] is still mad because she didn't get her way.  She is still trying to paint herself as a victim.

Me: Mom's fine, she was in the ER for a bit because of kidney probs, but all the tests came back negative so they sent her home. [Sister B] is just playing for sympathy.


Yeah… this is still happening… sigh

The upside for today:
I made the person in the bathroom stall next to me gag and it was someone who regularly irks me; does that count as an accomplishment?

One thing after another

The VA called while we were driving, halfway there, in a fucking snowstorm. They said the provider is sick so they canceled my appointment. Apparently, they only have one mental health doctor at the VA hospital now.

So, the VA Hospital has to send the appointment request back to the VA Claims Division to let them know that the appointment was canceled so they don't penalize me for not seeing the provider today. The Claims Div will then send a new order to the Hospital to set up my new appointment. While I know that seems like unnecessary steps, I do get it from a budgetary and paperwork perspective, thanks to my job. And while I am frustrated that I have to wait to do this all over again, I understand with the flu running around and whatnot. I'm not mad at the VA or even the doctor, I'm mad at the government for not properly funding the VA such that this problem happened.

As far as my back is concerned, my doc said the x-ray does show further disc degeneration, specifically in L4-L5, as well as a new disc problem at L5-S1, both of which explain the sciatic pain. She put me on prednisone to help with reducing the inflammation so I can do physical therapy to help with the pain. In the meantime, I'm supposed to alternate between acetaminophen and ibuprofen and use ice packs and a heating pad but it could take several weeks to see improvement.

She decided we needed to talk about my weight and how "as we age, our bodies don't cooperate as much and we need to feed them right." Then she basically poked the bear trying to find out about my history with obesity and since I was already in a bad place (she had asked about my dad just before that), I figured fuck it, she asked for it. I explained how my weight struggles started after what happened to me when I was in the Navy, gave her a brief overview without the gory details, let her mind fill in the blanks.

Food is one of my coping skills, among others which, admittedly, are not healthy. While I'm still struggling mentally and now physically, taking away that coping mechanism is not something I am prepared to do.

She took the smart choice and dropped the subject for now.

You're lucky you got me...

(it's week three of the semester)

Student: I need to be put in this class

Me: I will need you to email the instructor to get permission, and then they will copy me on the email so I can put you in the class

Student: ok, cool, thanks so much

Me: No prob. (hangs up the phone, it rings again, different person with a serious problem that takes me 30 minutes to assist with)

Email: (20 minutes into call, professor grants permission)

Phone: (2 seconds after email, caller ID shows it's said student from before)

Work Baby: (answers phone, takes down name and number, explains I am on phone)

Me: (as soon as off phone, enrolls student and sends a confirmation email and then calls student back) Hi, this is ME, I'm looking for STUDENT.

Student: I just wanted to be sure you saw the email.

Me: oh yeah, I'm sorry, I was on the phone right after I got off the phone with you but did see the email and you're already enrolled, I sent you a confirmation email

Student: oh ok

Me: (hangs up the phone, speaks to no one in particular) how about next time you give me more than 10 minutes, you're lucky you got me and not someone else who woulda made you wait 2 days.


Added this song to my work instrumentals playlist. You're welcome.
https://open.spotify.com/album/6xX6WfTtbn0ze2DRQUfrJc?highlight=spotify:track:0u56gM9cyaZynywe8An0RE

Not even gonna get thrown under that bus

I have a class set up in the system as being an on-campus/practicum course because it ported in that way from Spring last year. I only JUST got told it's supposed to be online and there are 15 students in it.

I tried to explain that in order to change it to an online course, I will need to drop all 15 currently enrolled students from the course one at a time, change the course itself, and enroll all 15 back into the course one at a time. That also means that all 15 students will be assessed an additional $50/credit hour fee for an online course. Given that financial aid disbursements have already gone out, this could be problematic for the students in this course.

It’s week three of the semester. The program coordinator should have caught that when the schedule was being set up back in September. This makes me look like I set up the course wrong. I checked; it was that way last Spring so it’s not my fault since I didn't set those courses up. It still makes me look bad which pisses me off.

The program coordinator signed off on the spreadsheet. If they don’t know what a code means, they need to ask. I even went a step further and saw that the course in question was that way in Fall 2018, 2019, and 2020, meaning it has been this way for two years.

Also, did I mention I’m stressed for Wednesday’s appointment? Yeah…

Positive: as a thank you for helping another office on campus, they gave me a gift card to Jimmy John’s… yay free food

May is like...

I spent the weekend in a mental health funk. Thankfully my kiddos helped cheer me up on Saturday. On Sunday, my sister suggested that I need to do a 10 piece puzzle since I wouldn’t get frustrated there. That or “go watch the Dodo and give into the weepies.”

She then outlined the plans she has for this summer, starting with her coming to visit in May for our niece’s college graduation. She plans to drink, eat chips, and get absolutely CHIP faced. “If we are not hungover at the graduation, then we have not done it right.”

She also said that May is like “foreplay for the fuckery we will do in July.” We plan to take Dad’s ashes on a road trip to Badlands, Yellowstone, Rushmore, and multiple points in between before we end up in Newport Beach where he wanted his ashes to be scattered. We will charter a boat to do that last part since it’s illegal to just dump them in the ocean off the shore.

Is this thing on?

Made this yesterday, forgot to post it...

Recipe from my sister

Today started out nice and quiet. I followed it up by having a solo night with junk food since hubs was with a paramour. Then my sister sent me the following recipe:

Step 1: Sautee mushrooms, an onion, and garlic together.

Step 2: Cook up some sausage fresh from the AG dept pigs.

Step 3: add a can of corn tot he sausage and simmer.

Step 4: add the mushroom mixture, Oh, which were sauteed in "Tuscan olive oil" La de da

Step 5: pour in 2 cans of beef gravy

Step 6: add 4 cups of water and one Lipton beef onion packet

Step 7: add some leftover shells because I used 2 cheese packets on the mac and cheese the other day

Step 8: let it simmer

Step 9: watch any I'm a Survivor Animal Sanctuary videos I've missed in the past week

Step 10: Don't freak out over the fact that I am now in charge of an additional test and have 2 months to get done a 3 part whole group and 1 part one on one test for 343 students.

Ball of emotion

Positives for Missing Days:
01/20/20 My kids' comments on social media show me I'm a good mom.
01/21/20 Leg hurting a lot but everyone is very supportive
01/22/20 Sister sent me Google play cards


Today: 
My VA claims eval is next week. I am hopeful they'll be able to see my PTSD for the monster it is. I figured I would warn you in case I start being all raging stupid and unreasonable since I may be triggered afterward. I get super short-tempered and sometimes downright mean and other times am just a ball of emotion and cry at dumb shit.

I had someone come in and ask if I could help with the audio in the conference room (I have no fucking clue on that) and I said I didn't know, to ask the tech. Five minutes later, someone from the same meeting came in and asked the same damned thing. Like I'm gonna know what I didn't know before in only 5 minutes when I'm already up to my eyeballs trying to enroll students.

Did we ever have this kind of fear

Another chat with my sister... She was preparing to take her students (she teaches high school) to a Stop the Bleed training. One of her worst fears is that they will need to use that knowledge in the school environment. I don't blame her for that fear, not one bit.

Sister: One of my fondest memories of you is trying to do a Bob Ross painting while he talked us through it on PPBS.

Me: Every time I hear anything Bob Ross related, I have that memory and it is just a golden spot in our childhood, which is part of why I gave you that calendar, it's a constant reminder for me.

Sister: How do I hold it together, living with the fear of what might happen, knowing that I will have at least one group of students who are not mature enough to understand how important this is?  I plan to go on one of my preps when I don't have kids, so I can really concentrate and learn, but how do I not throttle a kid when they think this is all a joke?

Me: Maybe assign a writing assignment on times when knowing how to stop traumatic bleeding could be encountered, make THEM realize the importance. Tell them about the assignment, then take roll, then take them to the gym for the presentation.

Sister: When we were in school, did we ever have this kind of fear?

Me: Nope, never

Positive takeaway - at least she is helping them be prepared and not helpless

Validated in the media

I've been watching a show on Netflix called Sex Education. Season 2, Episode 4 has a beautiful scene of a teenager thinking she's broken because she doesn't want to have sex. The sex therapist character explains that she is not broken, that she is asexual and that is ok. It was just beautiful to watch the character come out of her shell!!!

I am asexual. Seeing that not only represented but also validated was monumental.

Sister Date

We’re having a snow day tomorrow so before I am homebound, my sister and I had a sister date. We picked a movie we both wanted to see that was showing at theatres near us at around the same time. We then each bought our tickets and went to see the movie and planned to discuss it after. Problem is, they changed the time on her movie, so she had to go have dinner first. I then went and had dinner after my movie and we chatted after that.

We saw Dr. Doolittle. It was cute, I really liked it. We are planning to do future sister dates to see Call of the Wild in February and Mulan in March.

Productive Meeting

Ok, before I recount today, I need to say that yesterday I discovered that my heating pad helps the sciatica. That was totes my positive for yesterday.

Now, onto today.

Background info: I graduated in December with my EdS in Technology and Occupational Education. My area of emphasis is Student Development. My thesis was researching the use of gender-inclusive practices among faculty. My major findings are that faculty want to be inclusive, they just don’t know how and they don’t know where to find the information.

I met with the Provost this morning about the findings and recommendations in my thesis. The meeting was also supposed to include the President but he was on the phone following the budget meeting in the state capital from yesterday and sent his apologies. I feel positive about the meeting and hope that the administration follows up with what we discussed.

The Provost said that he believes this is timely information and falls in line with the efforts the university is working toward in their strategic planning efforts. Some of the things he agreed are easy and necessary steps toward a more inclusive climate include the addition of inclusivity expectations in college meeting visits at the beginning of the year, establishing a list of inclusivity best practices to share with faculty, and adding discussion of inclusive practice expectations in new faculty orientation. He agreed that we need training opportunities for faculty on their role in student development and how even the perceptions of their actions contribute or detract from student success.

He asked me if there is a campus diversity climate measurement available. I told him about the Campus Pride Index as one resource that measures campus perceptions and efforts toward LGBTQ inclusivity. He said that he would like to see one that measures campuses on all aspects of diversity and, if we can’t find one, we should make one. He wants to see our school rank highly on being a place where students of diversity can feel welcome and accepted.

Additionally, we talked about the diversity resources available to students on campus. He specifically said he is interested in doing things and not just saying them so that we leave legacies that change the campus. Included in that discussion was our multicultural center and the transition it recently went through. He agrees that staffing the center with one half-time director and minimal ($5000) budget is not sufficient for establishing and maintaining a climate of inclusivity.

Before we concluded the meeting, he stated that he would like to have a follow-up meeting with our student affairs officer to explore that resource in greater detail. He would also like my input on the upcoming campus climate survey with regard to the questions on diversity and inclusivity. I told him that I am looking forward to supporting our university in its journey toward embracing inclusivity as a climate.

I am optimistic about the meeting and hope to see some changes starting as a result.

My ass-kicking leg is still good

I suppose I should have given some background on yesterday’s post. Guess what I developed over the holidays: motherfucking sciatica. My left leg alternates between feeling like it's in a vice or feeling like it is being daggered. At least my ass-kicking leg is the right one and it's still good.

I do yoga on Tuesdays so I went into it hoping that would help. Guess what… nope. Made it worse even. I did, however, reward myself with Chipotle using the gift card my boss gave me for Christmas. So that was cool. I do love free food.

I love my work babies!

I'm making jokes and shit all day about my leg but it hurts so bad it makes dealing with the other shit hard. It’s only the first day of Spring classes and I'm already salty. I just wanna cry. I'm living on a steady diet of ibuprofen and I know that's not good for me. At least sitting with my left leg up under me relieves it or I'd be tempted to start throwing things at people when they come in my office.

Ok… refocus… find the positive...

Today was also the first day of work for my new work babies! I adore my student workers. I can already tell you these two will be fantastic. I miss all the ones I have had in the past. I still stalk… er… I mean… follow them on social media. I love my work babies!

Netflix & Kiddo!?

When you go to the campus bookstore at 11:30 to get your niece's textbooks for her but it's not open until noon but you remember that you have money on your Starbucks card = win.

We got snow on the 11th, which was very nice and definitely my positive for the day. As a result, I spent all day today hanging out with my younger kiddo watching Netflix, so that was totally my positive that day. I love days I can spend with my kiddos.

Cold Showers

Our hot water heater is kinda old. Not crazy old, but old enough that we really should replace it if we had the money. Sadly, we do not. So when it started leaking this week it kinda threw things off. Thankfully, we managed to find the part to fix it on Amazon for less than half of the retail cost. Hubs also managed to make enough doing DoorDash this week to pay for the part, so that is another plus.

In the meantime, it’s like that day in Basic Training all over again, when we had no hot water but still had to shower… brrrrr.

Also, here are my positives from the past days that I skipped:
01/07/20 - I am excited to start my new student workers next week!
01/08/20 - I was able to help a lot of students today and that felt great.

Sister Chat...

Chatting with my sister on messenger...

Formal probate sucks

I am the oldest of four. I have two sisters and one brother, in that birth order. #3 is the one in Cali who I am close to. #2 is in Arizona and is, well… you’ll see. #4 is the brother who is a nomad and lives in Arizona doing his own thing.

Our dad passed away in August and it’s been a journey. He was diagnosed with Stage IV stomach cancer in mid-July. The last text I received from him is dated July 29. He had a stroke that night and was hospitalized. By then the cancer had metastasized to his bones, liver, kidneys, and lymph nodes. Thanks to the generosity of some of my coworkers, yes some of the ones who drive me nuts, I was able to be there by his bedside on August 6. He passed very early on the morning of the 7th.

He did not have a will and none of us really knew what to do. We did have a “conversation” about his wishes on the 6th. I used quotes because he couldn’t actually speak but he was able to communicate through sounds and gestures. I also have no doubt he was in his right mind. After spending the next 2 weeks in Arizona packing up his belongings and starting the process for managing his estate, I headed home. #2 was adamant that Dad had wanted her to have his truck. In actuality, it was supposed to go to my son, but since he died intestate, I was/am required by law to maintain custody of all of his belongings until the estate is settled or I am advised by an attorney that I can do otherwise. She refused to see that I was legally bound and decided that instead, she would contest the probate.

Because of this, we are now in the midst of formal probate. Dad owned a house in Idaho, so that’s where the probate is being handled. Thankfully, I was able to find and retain a very nice attorney. Today he called and our conversation really put my mind at ease about the financial situation of the estate. He also said I should email my siblings to let them know where things stand, so I did.

Oh, and I did see Star Wars yesterday and I liked it!

You need to be our Rick

Once in a while, my sister and I have some interesting text chats. She lives in California, I am in Missouri. She is my best friend and our relationship is nothing short of insane. Rather than paraphrase these conversations, I’m just gonna post them now and then. 


Sister: You ever wonder how different your life would be if you would have made different decisions at the key points?

Me: all the fucking time

Sister: It may sound fucking insane, but if a major earthquake happened, I am heading your way. If one of those "get the fuck out of California" events happened. But if like a Zombie Apocalypse happens, where do we both meet up if neither CA or MO is safe, where do we go? Denver? Large population cities are not safe. I would say St. George, CO. Penguin and I have been there, an old mining town. In “The Stand'' they ended up in CO, the good people did. Promise me, if CA and MO are bad enough, we will slay dragons together, with those we care about, in St. George. I will bring my Land-fam, you bring our-fam, we meet there, that is our backup,

Me: Sounds like a plan, lol.

Sister: I keep enough here to keep me alive for 3 days. I can keep my land fam going for 3 days if needed...all of them. I will bring my closest too. I will be their "Daryl". You need to be our Rick.


Ok, sis... but you better stay in the house... don't be a Carl...

I am going by myself

My sister sent me some cash and said I have to spend at least $10 on myself. Well then, since the hubs will be off with one of his paramours*, I am taking myself to see the new Star Wars movie and I am going by myself. So there.


*if you want more details on this, please ask

Free Dinner for the DD

Today I heard from the Provost's admin assistant. I will be meeting with both the President and Provost on the 16th to discuss my recommendations from my thesis. In my ideal world, we sit down and chat and they say "hey, how about we give you a job here doing this stuff." Coincidentally, that is my kiddo’s birthday, the child who inspired my passion.

Also, the VA called today, my evaluation for my disability claim is scheduled for the 29th. Unfortunately, it is not with my regular therapist. The idea of having to recount things to a stranger is terrifying but the possibility of finally being validated for what happened to me is something I need right now. I know it happened, but I need the military to acknowledge it.

This evening, my older kiddo took me out to eat. He said if I would be his DD, he’d buy me dinner. Of course! I got to hang out with my kid and got free dinner out of the deal.

A More Personal Touch

TRIGGER WARNING

Several years ago, back when I was in the Navy, I suffered at the hands of my ex. I just heard from the VA, because my case involves sexual trauma they will process it a little differently, using a more personal touch, which is nice. They are going to set up my evaluation appointment with the VA Hospital and, if possible, with my regular therapist since she already knows my history to save me having to recount everything to a stranger. I really appreciate that they're doing it that way.

Today’s positive: the way the VA is handling this

Also, here’s a song for you:
https://open.spotify.com/track/5TjSlSi3vAs3aT8OgLX9cG?si=MWm5Jc1eTqKp6s9p0FasBw

Pres in my corner

In a funk of depression, because I can't fucking pay my bills because someone still doesn't have a fucking job (not me, I have two), I started looking at jobs in my fields at other institutions. I am in the process of applying for 13 other jobs at schools in Colorado, Nevada, and California. If I'm gonna do a life change, I'm gonna do it big.

With some of the positions I applied for, part of me is very hopeful, another part is very skeptical and believes they already have someone in mind, but as a trusted advisor said, they could be wanting to go a different direction than the current interim and if nothing else, it's a great opportunity to polish my resume.

The worst they can say is no and I'm right where I am and all it cost me was the time to do the app and make my resume purty. On the plus side, the president of the university said he’d be happy to be one of my references and write me a letter of recommendation if I get that far. Also, he and I are gonna have a sit down to go over the recommendations from my thesis, which I consider a HUGE win.

So that is today’s positive: Pres in my corner

Why I Am Starting This Blog...

I could start off with an about me entry but let’s be honest, no one's gonna come all the way back here to read this post. So instead, I’ll start off with why I’m making this blog.

My kiddo and I are doing a thing this year that we saw on social media. Every day we will write down one positive thing that happened. That way, when things seem crappy later, we have a nice set of memories to reflect on to make ourselves feel better. I was going to just use an app, and I will use one, but I also thought a blog would be neat. I used to have a blog, many years ago. It was very therapeutic. I probably won’t actually post every day, but I will make notes in my app and then write some backdated posts to make it look like I did because yeah, that’s how this is gonna roll and I am not gonna apologize for it.

My New Year's Resolution is to take a great big dose of "not responsible for anyone's shit but my own" and stop letting myself get dragged down by other people not taking care of their shit. This past year was garbage. This next year is mine and I will make it my bitch.